2017 - In a Nutshell

As I sit here replaying the events of 2017 in my head, a constant phrase keeps coming to mind.  A phrase I’ve stopped and reminded myself of all year.  A phrase that in retrospect, represents the trials I’ve been through, the tears I’ve cried, the strength I had to dig deep for in the hardest days.  That phrase?

“This too, shall pass.”

It’s been such an eventful year.  Now let me tell you, I had big big plans for this year.  The majority of this year was my Jesus year.  I had turned 33, and like many others, I made a huge list of all the major things in my life I wanted to accomplish, because if Jesus could do all he did in 33 years on this Earth, I could at least focus one year on what I really wanted to do in life.  I could make big scary changes.  I could be brave.

The first and biggest blessing of the year came on what was to me a sad day.  January 5, 2017 would have been our second child’s due date, but that pregnancy ended last year and it wasn’t actually the day we dreamt of.  It was a hard day for me.

Breathe, Elaina.  This too, shall pass.

For some reason I felt like I needed to take a pregnancy test that day.  Ha, I thought, that is the most ridiculous and awful thing I could do on an otherwise emotional day for me.  But i kept feeling that feeling, that gut instinct, maybe that something good might become of this awful day.  So on the way home from work, I bought a test.  It wasn’t even first thing in the morning, or on a stomach full of liquid, but i did it. I was prepared for heartbreak on top of heartbreak. But on January 5, 2017 I found out I was pregnant with my rainbow baby....

Jussst in time for year end close at work with the most unaccepting, unaccomodating boss I’ve ever had the experience of working with.

Breathe Elaina.  This too, shall pass.

I had already made plans to bring life to a more manageable pace this year.  I had already had conversations with Jason of things needing to be LESS hectic this year.  We had talked about me stepping back in my career to focus on family for months.  And so in May, surrounded by awful circumstances, and not the way anyone wants to end a 10 plus year career, I quit my job.

Breathe Elaina.  This too, shall pass.

Two weeks later, I was put on bedrest, which lasted for almost a month.

Breathe Elaina.  This too, shall pass.

Obviously, you guys know then my miracle girl was born in July.  I’m so happy, but it was a terrifying experience at 9 weeks early.  She was in the NICU for 30 of the most terrifying and unpredictable days of my life.

Seeing a theme here?  Breathe Elaina...

She came home in August, and we thought we were adjusting well.  I questioned my instincts when I found out she had been struggling with reflux and food sensitivities.  I lost more sleep than i ever have as she didn’t sleep through the night until December.  I cried in panic as I’m such a financial person and all the medical bills started piling in 3 months after I quit my job.

This too, shall pass.

In November, walking down a friends driveway, I tripped, face planted, and broke my ankle.  I’m getting to spend the rest of the year in a walking boot while it heals, but thankfully I don’t need surgery.

Yep...this too, shall pass.

In December, instead of being the one helping my husband and helping us have a less stressful life, i had to lean on him for most everyday things.  I’ve needed help getting Brady to and from school, Madelynn and myself to and from numerous doctors appointments, help doing everyday chores around the house, and even help getting in and out of the shower and dressing myself.

This too, shall pass.

Although in between all of this madness, there has been a lot of gratitude for life, family, and our tribe, I will say I will be the first to welcome a new year with open arms. I NEED a fresh year.  Our family needs a break from all of 2017’s punches in the gut.  This New Year, I will be focusing on being intentional, yet knowing that I can’t control everything.  I’m going to do my best to breathe in, focus on what blessings I do have, and hopefully get a break from saying that phrase that now rolls out as if it were something that SHOULD be saying every day, like good morning, good night, thank you, or have a nice day. But to finish off the year with one final time, as I sit here, thinking about 2017.

I take a deep breath and remind myself this too, shall pass.

Monday 12/18/17

“I don’t remember getting this frustrated with Brady, do you?” Jason said to me, after almost an hour of solid screaming from Madelynn tonight. “We weren’t.  It was...different with him.  He didn’t have problems we didn’t know how to fix.  It wasn’t like this...”

It’s been another rough couple of weeks for my girl.  We switched up reflux meds again and she is still...seriously, still having issues...inconsistent issues, but issues none the less.  It’s draining.  We saw the GI specialist for another update.  We told her how things had significantly improved with Madi eating, but that the reflux (or something) still seemed to be bothering her.  Oh, and she’s teething, yay.  Anyway, the GI Dr changed up the timing of her meds, going from twice a day to now three times a day.  She also (warning, gross) looked at her stool and had some concerns.  She is suggesting that we try ready-to-feed formula instead of powder, as she thinks Madi may now also have a sensitivity/allergy to corn and powder contains corn.

I mean...how do they know all of these things?  No milk, no cheese, no steak, no ground beef, no yogurt, no corn?  What if that isn’t it, what do we try then?  She’s pushing for us to start solid foods in a couple weeks...hoping that will shed some light on foods she can and can’t digest or has issues with.  I’m over it tonight though.  I sure wish there was an easy button...

In more exciting news, I got word from my dr that I won’t need ankle surgery recently, so that’s a small positive.  A few more weeks in this boot and hopefully life can return to semi normal.  I can tell you one thing though...twenty seventeen has jokes.  I don’t like them, but it seems to think they are funny.