Deep Breaths - 8/16/18

There are lots of things that go through a mother’s mind when she brings her kiddo to his or her very first day of school.  Will he be brave?  Will he be kind?  Please, God, let him make friends.  Please let his teacher be awesome.  He looks so grown up.  How is he this grown up, wasn't he just taking his first steps?  Now he's running all the time.  Running...I'm not sure if he is capable of sitting still all day in one chair.  Speaking of things he's capable of, will he be able to open everything in his lunch I packed?  He always struggles getting that straw out of the package and into the impossible juice container.  I hope he doesn't starve because he can't open what he needs to.  Oh gosh, will he be bold enough to ask when he needs to go to the bathroom?  And oh Lord, will he be able to wipe on his own?  So many normal things.  But the first thing that went through my mind as I saw his little guy walking in to that big building that will shape his next 13 years?

Jesus, please keep him safe.

This world has become so cold.  It isn't fair when my son's first day of Kindergarten is robbed by the idea that he might not be free from danger in his own classroom.  As I pondered dropping a doorstop into his little Ninjago backpack just in case a desperate time ever called for it, and then wondered how I'd ever explain how to use it to my Kindergartener, my heart absolutely broke.

Jesus, please keep him safe.

Please keep them all safe.  Please help us find a solution that works to protect our children from harm.  Please help our school administrators to discern what to do in tough situations.  Please let our legislators finally come together and get past Republican or Democrat, liberal or conservative to keep families in tact.  Please, just keep them safe.

I hugged my boy tight tonight as we talked about his first day.  We talked about the fun things he did, he showed me pictures he drew, talked about the things they are going to learn, and he told me he opened his own juice.  We talked about the importance of being kind to everyone and finally we prayed.  We prayed that all kids would know they are loved, and that during the school year, that Jesus would please keep them all safe.

8/10/18 - My Boy is Growing Up

I’ve started and stopped approximately twenty posts since I last updated everyone: posts about having the kids home for the first time ever together, posts about being absolutely thrilled to teach my son some things at home, posts about getting to take my children on outings without the stress of work being on my mind, and posts about oh my word what was I thinking when I thought two kids at home ALL SUMMER would be a breeze...

Then July came around and I thought about posting about my Madelynn soaring into her first birthday despite all of her battles, posting about how thinking through and reliving those days gave me an insane amount of anxiety because I wasn’t just in fight or flight mode anymore, and then posting about post partum depression and how awful it is and how I wish more parents would talk about it, and that it can actually occur anytime within the first year of having a baby, especially to those who have had traumatic births.

The truth is, I will probably late post about some of those topics because they are my life, and also because it’s now August and my Brady is going to Kindergarten in, well...days y’all, days.  I’m going to have SO MUCH LESS NOISE in my house y’all from 7am-3pm and I might actually get to hear my brain think enough to begin to write down what I’m thinking.  You moms know what I’m talking about...

But anyway, because my little guy has some big stuff coming up, and because I’ve been guilty of “Vague-Booking” some details, I wanted to let people in on what’s been going on with him and where we are.  For those of you that know my kind, crazy, silly little boy, you might know that he has never been on any of the growth charts at the pediatrician’s office for his height.  “Sure, Elaina, but have you looked in the mirror?”  “Oh who cares, his personality is ten feet tall,” and “You’re just being paranoid, STOP” are all very accurate and well-meaning phrases I’ve heard, but I’ve now learned that no matter what a single person on the face of this planet tells you, always always trust your mama gut.

After Brady’s 5 year checkup in February, our pediatrician recommended that we follow up with his Endocrinologist again, just to rule out some things. But this time when we followed up, we didn’t get our normal good news.  Our prileminary blood tests showed that Brady’s liver enzymes were low, which could be an indicator that his growth hormone levels were low.  So the endocrinologist ordered some further, more intense but more accurate testing to be done.  Brady was admitted into the hospital and was injected with a substance to make his body produce growth hormone.  Then over the course of the morning, his blood was drawn every 30 minutes to test the levels of his growth hormone.  I had to watch him go from silly and goofy to getting an attitude because he wanted to watch something more interesting on tv  to almost passing out and throwing up over just a few hours, and my mama hurt every time he cried because the needles or the iv hurt.  The results came in and it was determined that Brady has a growth hormone deficiency.

Now, also during that test they checked his cortisol levels.  They also came back borderline low so we had to yet again take my baby boy for more bloodwork, Jason holding him down while he was screaming for dear life begging not to be poked again.  Thankfully, the cortisol levels came back perfect the second time around, but we still have the growth issue.

Which brings me to now.  Wednesday of this week (the day before he starts Kindergarten) Brady has been scheduled to get an MRI of his pituitary gland to determine the cause of the low growth hormone.  For those of you like me who aren’t medical experts and who didn’t know until the doctor told me, the pituitary gland is in the brain.  My boy has to be sedated on top of the fact that it’s his BRAIN, y’all.  They are looking to see if the gland is just not functioning properly, what it’s size is proportionate to what it should be, and if they see a tumor inhibiting it.  Tumor, another word that will take the breath out of a mamas lungs really quick.  I’m hoping and praying for the best outcome on this, but I trying to come to grips with the reality that this will be a long term care plan.  We are facing either daily shots possibly for the rest of his life, or surgery if it is a tumor.

All of this is to say, the Pyka family could use some prayers and well wishes.  I’m not exactly sure how I’m going to handle all of this and I’m definitely ready for the medical issues to just not be a thing anymore.  If you could keep our family lifted up these next few weeks it would be much appreciated.